Life with teenagers

Teenagers are an interesting breed. We can't seem to get it right no matter what we do in trying to help them, approach them, talk to them. When they answer back we are affronted; sometimes they are emotional, sometimes irrational, they can be shifty, awkward, difficult to talk to, self centred, erratic, and throughly confusing. How best can we make them understand us?

Lets change this around and try first to understand them. We were teenagers once. What do we remember? Do we remember being like that? For most of us the answer is no. We have forgotten our own stubborn blinkered view of life at that age and look back with our adult eyes and assume that is how we have always been.

 

I don't know about you, but I was awful. Yes I started work at 16 and managed to stick to a job, I got a mortgage when I was nearly 18 and moved in with my boyfriend. I was fairly responsible?? I paid my bills. I know that I didn't really start growing up until I was in my mid to late twenties. I was a late developer in the maturity stakes.

I was a rather horrible teenager from about 13 or 14 onwards and caused my parents no end of problems. Drinking, smoking etc. (the etc there is meant to cover everything else!)

We often struggle with our teenagers because they can remind us that we were young, self centred and immature. Who likes to be reminded of that? Another reason that we struggle is that we made so many mistakes that we would like to impart our hard earned wisdom and thereby help our own children by giving them the knowledge free without them having to be hurt, lost, confused, embarrassed, self conscious.

If only life worked this way, if only we could learn sensibly from another persons mistakes. If that were the case then mankind would have developed far beyond the bodily stage and we would all be ascended beings in a divine state. Yet, here we still are, thousand of years of mistakes later, still in the same form of human body. I believe that the reason is because life changes and mistakes are meant to be made.


It hurts us when our children are hurt, right from the time they come home and say they are not invited to someones party, we are gutted for them. We wish we could make everything better. We do not want them to get hurt physically or emotionally or mentally. But this is life. We each have our own journey and we cannot control the journey of another even our own child. We can only provide what is needed and love them unconditionally. And yes I even mean that for teenager who may turn on you at any moment and slam the door in your face, tell you they hate you, tell you not to interfere in their lives, leave them alone. It does get kind of difficult to give the unconditional love when we feel so desperately hurt.


As a life coach I have developed a set of golden rules to help parents deal with teenagers. I wouldn't dream of telling anyone how it should be done. I have a fourteen year old daughter and a sixteen year old son, you can ask them what they think of whether I get it right or not (ha ha). There are no right and wrong ways to parent when we love our children. Nevertheless, sometimes it helps to share our worries and our moans, to bring ourselves back into the equation, when we have just been mum or dad for so long. How do we survive living with our teenagers? I truly believe that my six golden rules can help and am hoping that through my workshops and support groups it will make life easier for parents (and hopefully teenagers too).

They are a real challenge and perhaps we have got past an age when we want to be challenged on a daily basis. Maybe we just want the easy life and to stay in our comfort zones. Teenagers challenge us to examine our deepest fears, our ethics, our own flaws and weaknesses. We don't always want that which is why we want them just to make our lives easier by taking our advise and not inflicting their problems on us. They often come to us for help, we offer help, they don't want our help because it is rubbish, they reject us, we bash away trying to keep helping. It can all be very painful!


I think that teenagers are a joy. I love to be challenged by something totally out of my control. It never fits in to times that I actually find convenient of course but, hey, that's part of the challenge too!


Make time to enjoy your teenagers, spread the word: they are one of our greatest sources of learning and developing ourselves. Be grateful to them for that.

And if you know parents who are in need of support then please share this blog and my website and ask them to come to my workshop! I need help and support too!

http://www.aprilwhalley.com/